Bella Syk

OTR

Life is life. Im surviving, not thriving but maybe that will come with time. Ive been treating weed, food & pop as my best friends. When I look in the mirror it shows.
Im more forgiving of myself. Im learning to change more fluidly instead of all these highs an lows. Im trying to ride my wave of life.
Im writing letters with a friend from twitter! Letters were a 2014 goal.
I had my weight as a by my birthday goal but it was a 2014 goal and Im giving myself til the end.
Its hard being surrounded by white people daily. Im learning it feels stifling for me as a person. Im getting nearer to a better version of Berry. Hopefully Berry 32.0 is wayyyyy better than 30.0 &31.0.


Berry

— 10 hours ago
#berrysthoughts  #learning to like an maybe love living 
A shitty morning

Yesterday was a eye opening day. I’ve closed to my feelings to people who have handled them lightly in the past. Im learning to be me on a whole nother level.
Sent my cousin a raging text, she sent one back. I like sharing that way. I like mutual sharing. We vented an moved on.
My lil sis is having fun in her new city. She is hella smarter than me so im sure she’ll make it out, unlike me. She sent me a text that gave me all the feels.
I feel like I couldve done better. But I don’t know how to build friendships in any normal capacity. Like we couldve been hella closer.

Regrets, I got’em
Danielle

— 2 weeks ago
#berrys thoughts 
Thinking bout forever

Well my life wasn’t planned out much past getting to the On The Run tour.Ive fell off in the past month. Stats at work shit, haven’t been working out (as much) AND Im drinking pop again.
I need a goal. Thinkin bout a birthday one. I want to see what under 200 lbs looks like. I havent seen that since high school!
Maybe a savings because im terrible at that shit. Ill be one if those people working at 90, lol Id never let this go on that long. This is really hard for me.
You could say both but I’m barely gonna reach one, so let’s be realistic. Im trying, daily. I break down the hours in the day. Im not fully relaxing, even with weed. Im bracing because this is when things go bad.
Too many things have been in my favor for this to go on to long. So instead of moving, Im braced, ready to take it. I know, Im trying.
Im lonely sometimes but I fill my spaces by walking the city. I see new things, Im not sitting down. Being very me obviously.

— 1 month ago with 1 note
#berrys thoughts  #the catch up 
So so many feels!

I think everyday “Update you tumblr! No one cares but at least you can you look back see the days really do pass” So here I am finally doing it. Its been a month since I saw King B in Houston. It was a weekend filled with fun an relaxation. Well as much I relax nowadays. 

I didnt know I was going until Thursday an left Friday morning. I had to call into work two days in a row. For a new job I shouldve been more nervous but they continually fuck with me ( another blog, another day) so I didnt feel to bad about it I arrived Friday an took a van to my hotel. I was hella nervous about the hotel because I now use a amex prepaid card an I have no idea where it is excepted. Every time I think everywhere, sometimes says nawwww.lol. 

I met up with a friend I knew only from twitter, I do this a lot. We had drinks before the concert. Ended up walking to the concert with a papercup filled with liquor. Felt so freeing to walk down the street with a drink, in Houston on vacation. I sat by myself for the concert but I soaked in everything. I stood the entire time because I mean King didnt work that hard for me to be sitting down. I learned I know a lot of Jigga songs, the lyrics not just beats WHAT? I have a memory? Only for things Ill never need. 

After the concert I went back to my hotel an chilled. I was waiting for the walls to fall in. Things dont happen for me like that without horrible things attached..There are no just happys days round these parts. Well they didnt fall in lol. I went to breakfast the next day with a friend Mo who was a previous twitter friend but now I just say friend. I ended up being late for my flight an my friend Mo offered me her couch THANK YOU! 

I thought that would be more stressful but It wasnt! She took me for togo daq’s & whataburger like what more could I ask for? The next day I made my flight. Overalll my weekend was hella relaxing. I got a WIN! Its been so long without one I wasnt sure they were for me anymore. Thanks to Val,Mo & E for all being apart of making my weekend wonderful. 

— 1 month ago
#otr houston  #a win was needed  #berrys thoughts 
Here I am

Trying to get to Houston for this B+J tour stop. Its been my only real goal all year. Its looked iffy since I bought the ticket! An I still owe a friend for helping me with it. I just wanna see this!
Its 12:54 am and my clothes are in the dryer. Im going over the money thing an I think I need to pick cheaper hotel. Calling into my new job, to go. Idk idk idk…
I just want to have a WIN! I want to see this concert and come home the next day.

Berry

— 2 months ago
OKKK

So now five people from my old call center jobs + one friends ex + one cousins baby daddy. Call centers really do just trade people around! Omg what if this is the rest of my life?!?!?!? But one good thing, a chick I use to blow HARD with works here. So one good thing? (lol)

— 2 months ago

People are doing this thing where they feel like telling my mom something is the same as me an its making me feel some kind of way

— 2 months ago

I always put people as older/above me. This is my worst habit by far! I just auto put people above me, as having it together, as being better. *sigh*
Lost $100 earphones from work in an hour an I have no idea where *sigh*
Im starting to feel like im always going to be poor an like the hardest thing im dealing with my life. To be poor an barely making it. I cant keep living like this.

Bella B

— 2 months ago

Just told a coworker about #TheRead and she told me about the Tom Joyner show…TOM JOYNER IS NOT NEW 😒 She also loves Bossip & BGC. This new job is a gem. Starting a blog for my call centers stories now!

— 2 months ago
Sunny days

I wonder if she’s on her way to my job. Naw she’s dressed to nice and looks happy.
He looks nice. He could be going to my job, dressing for the job he wants! Then Id have to start dressing up, thats not gonna last. Oh, well bye then.
Still in route…late

— 2 months ago